The planned nature of modern life makes spontaneity so precious, a spontaneity stemming from a nearby community. I have just started to rent together with a friend, and it’s almost the best thing that has happened to me this year. It reminds me of the novel My Friends by Hisham Matar (have a book review on my substack) - the protagonist Khaled had his friend Hosam move into the apartment below his, and felt for the first time that his life in London was part of a family, “where a drink, a meal, a coffee, a walk” could be shared spontaneously. Despite the anxiety about living so close to someone he knew and being witnessed at home, the excitement of having a friend right downstairs prevailed, an excitement of childhood.
Sometimes we are too afraid of being witnessed, being entangled in someone else’s life, but friendship is actually a flexible space, unlike familial bonds and obligations. We only need to learn the skills to navigate this space, without assuming that social lives will naturally happen. Armed with these skills, we will be able to see our other, more defined relationships in better clarity.
