Let's not moralize Botox

don't like Botox, not because I claim any kind of pretension about the "natural" way of things, but because I don't like the look of it. The aesthetic. Perhaps it's because I've always loved texture—velvet, knits, my home is filled with it—but I much prefer wrinkles. Especially when paired with a chic hairstyle or a bold eyeshadow color. It is my opinion that statement glasses and good style produce a more beautiful aesthetic than needles or surgery.

I also have an aversion to needles, it lacks the more ritual indulgence of oiling or moisturizing the skin. And then there's the expense—spending a lot of money on fine fabrics or beautiful sunglasses feels luxurious to me, while spending the same amount on putting needles into my skin would be like paying for torture (acupuncture, it must be said, carries the same revulsion to me).

That isn't to say I haven’t fought against other, less desirable aesthetics. My skin has started to sag and I have dark spots from years of too much sun. I have used lasers for both—Thermage because it was inexpensive in Malaysia, IPL because it's a cult classic. I also used an at-home chemical peel called Cosmelan which erased sun spots along my jawline, and have had skin tags removed.

All of this is to say I make choices about my skin based on aesthetics and personal preference and cost, not any kind of moral standard. My friends have made different decisions for the same reasons. Some are older with wrinkles, some are younger with Botox. Some don't like needles, some would use them all the time if they could afford it. None of us feel pressured to look a certain way at work, or are particularly influenced by Hollywood—most of us find celebrity looks a cautionary tale. All of us are feminist, none are morally bankrupt.

So as much as I can nod my head along to articles about impossible beauty standards and the normalization of cosmetic procedures, on women's magazines being funded by beauty advertisers who want to promote their treatments and how they can prey on anxious and insecure women already under pressure from Hollywood and board meetings, I'm also bothered by commentary that concludes that a woman doing anything to her skin is somehow plagued by insecurity or succumbing to the patriarchy.

This is where I've grappled with one of my favorite writers Haley Nahman who, I think, paints those lines too simply. In one post, she says the root cause of cosmetic procedures is "shame, secrecy, feeling like shit about yourself." She imagines that if Joe Jonas were honest about why he uses a Botox competitor, he would reveal deep insecurities about not being young and hot and popular anymore. In another, she says the whole topic feels charged because "those who support 'giving in' [to Botox] and those who support abstaining are both in conversation with patriarchy, one group aims to survive or thrive within the system while the other aims to subvert it."

This narrative does a few things: